Alice proceses

This is from Alice's teacher, who said she is doing an amazing job of integrating the cancer information:

I was surprised Alice had a fever last week because she didn’t seem 'off’ or out of sorts at all. At naptime we’d had a cuddly conversation, and then she started talking about you and Tom, and missing you. She cried for a bit and I said “Oh Alice, it isn’t easy” and she said “Cancer is hard; it’s hard for a kid.” Then I basically mirrored what she said for a few exchanges, and while the words were the words of a four year old, the quality of the conversation felt as honest as any I’ve had with an adult in a similar situation.

In other news, I think we may be entering some interesting territory, adoption-wise, also. Tonight she was looking at my hair, asking me why it was that color. I explained it came from my grandfather, and she said she wanted that color. I explained that she looked like her birth mother, because she grew in her belly. Alice picked up and repeated that part of the story as it is familiar to her. But then she suddenly stopped and said in an upset tone, "I don't want to look like her I want to look like you!" That's the first we have covered this territory of loss so explicitly. I'd never heard that tone from her before, so she is starting to process her story at a new level. Poor dear, she has so much to process right now. We ended the conversation by my pointing out things that I have noticed that are similar about us, like the smile we have for the kitties. That seemed to satisfy and please Alice. My darling daughter, so much on your little plate right now.